I’m about to do something I try so hard every single day of
my life to not do. I am going to take part in an Internet trend.
For starters, I hate it when people do exactly what I am
about to do. Every month, there’s something else that goes viral and explodes
all over the Internet. Whether it be a Facebook game, a Twitter hashtag, or anything
else incredibly annoying, it is inevitable. And every month, there are a slew
of people who complain about it and are twice as annoying. And then there are
the people who complain about the people complaining, and are four times as annoying
(it’s a geometric pattern).
Every month I like to stay as far away from it as possible, then
lob passive-aggressive comments at people from the cheap seats once it has died
down (“Hey, did Bill Gates ever get around to mailing you that million dollars
for sharing his photo?”).
This time, however, I’ve broken down. I just can’t sit this
out any longer.
NEKNOMINATIONS! NICENOMINATIONS! NOMINATIONS IN GENERAL!
God, it feels good to finally yell that out in caps lock.
Neknomination was a pretty good idea (albeit a stupid name).
It really was. I’ll even admit that I did one! For anyone who has been living
under a rock (or for the hipsters among you who pretend they don’t know what the
latest trends are), Neknomination is the term coined for chugging a beer on
video, nominating a friend to follow suit, and posting it on the Internet. It
sounds insane and juvenile and irresponsible, but if done right, in a private
Facebook group with the right friends involved, it is a fun way for college
buddies to keep in touch. Face it, there’s a fratboy in a lot of us and he’s always
going to be there.
Unfortunately, the Internet community is a frat house of
gargantuan tools. The Internet is the opposite of the Mensa Club. The Internet
has provided the perfect environmental conditions to finally allow the slowest
of the evolutionary pack to crawl from the ocean and sprout legs. It wasn’t
long before they discovered Facebook and learned to post comments on Youtube.
Long story short, Neknomination becomes a game of “Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Dumber,” and kids start dying from it. That’s right… kids have DIED. How tragic is that?
Well... here comes the David Fincher plot twist.
It’s not tragic.
As a firm believer in common sense and simple science, I
believe in a beautiful concept called Darwinism. Only the strongest survive. Of
course, in our modern society, you don’t have to be that strong to survive, or
even that smart (DMX, for example, recently turned 43). All you have to do is
just have a shred of common sense, a smidgeon – just enough to realize,
“You know what? Chugging this 26-ounce bottle of 90-proof liquor MIGHT kill me.”
You don’t even have to realize that it WILL kill you. Just thinking of the possibility
alone should save your life.
Yes, the game is stupid. Yes, the game is annoying. Yes, the
game can be fun. But no, the game is not dangerous. Colossal human stupidity,
on the other hand, is lethal.
If you agree with me so far, you might want to stop reading
here. I will likely offend you in the second act.
As the beer-chugging champs spiraled out of favour faster
than Kony 2012, another fad began to gather a following. People started “paying
it forward” on video and nominating their friends to do the same. Again, like Neknominations,
it was a great idea in the beginning. It was beautiful. And then, like a Disney
Channel career, it was too much, too soon, and the wheels fell off. I saw a
video the other day of a kid walking into a food bank and handing them $200 in
cash. As a fellow university student, I'm on the fringe of NEEDING that food bank. Then, a few minutes ago, I witnessed the inevitable - a video
of a guy chugging a beer in a bar, then walking out on the street and handing
out gift cards. The rest of their profiles were private, but these videos were
set public. I wonder why?
Look how far this fame-seeking has gone without us even
realizing it. We post things on the regular just to get likes and validate an
inflated sense of self. I do it all the
time. At least five times a day, I’ll Tweet some stupid opinion or shitty joke,
and stare at my phone until someone pumps my ego with a favourite. It’s a
guilty pleasure, and I’m sure everyone is guilty of it at some point.
But this is different. There have to be some boundaries for
this fame game.
I was taught by a pretty great man to never boast of your
charity. Without realising it, he taught me to give for the right reasons.
Sure, it feels good and the giver takes away a sense of self-satisfaction. But
why can’t it remain “self” satisfaction? Why does it need to be validated by
strangers on the Internet?
For those Friends fans reading this, Joey was onto something when he said, “There is no such thing as an unselfish good deed.” It will always feel good. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to give selflessly, and quietly. Charity might not be selfless, but there’s a glow to it that is lost when it’s done for the wrong reasons.
I opened this by doing something I try not to do, and I’m
going to close it by doing something I have NEVER done: Quoting the bible (You
happy, Dad?).
“When you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do, so that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret.”
- Matthew 6:1-4
Disclaimer: I see the irony in writing about a disdain for Internet fame-seeking in a public blog which I have linked to my social media pages. I don't feel good about it either. Sue me.
Email: ryancooke1624@gmail.com
Twitter: @ryancooke16
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